I was invited to a talk at a school in Mysore to speak on “Health the most important aspect of life”. As a usual practice I reached about an hour early to familiarize with the who’s who of the school, also look at the stage arrangements and set up my equipment (laptop, Projector etc). Since the heads of the school were yet to come, I sat out in the school garden looking at the students who were trickling in. The first came the kindergarten kids & parents – these were emotional moments of the children and the parent (some mothers & some fathers were dropping their children off at the school) that I happened to see. The children were clinging onto their parent, crying, weeping & never wanting to let them go. When the school staff tried to hold the child and take them inside the school, the grip of the child on the parent further strengthened & the resistance was such that they are never separable. Amidst the emotional outbursts, I noticed that the parent too had tears in their eyes and some fathers somehow hid their tears. The entire scene unfolding before my eyes was really heart rending.
After some time, I witnessed the older children entering the school being dropped by their parent. Perhaps they were studying in high school and I was surprised to look at their behavior which was a little different. They just got off the vehicle and just rushed into the school, never bothered about the parent who still waited & watched till his child entered the school gate. It was even more surprising that the child did not even bother to turn back or waved a bye at the parent as they entered the school gate, nor was there a last look that they had of their parent as a thanking courtesy.
Looking at this parent-child response, a question came to my mind “what happened to the inseparable act, that perhaps the same child would have done a few years ago..?” further more a few more questions came to my mind – Was it really a feeling of separation..? Or was it a drama or a tantrum that the child was putting up to avoid going to school..? Or was it the first steps of the life’s training that the parent gave (an unconscious investment) that could have registered in the child’s mind and reinforced over various circumstances that “I am required at another place and not with parent”..? This last question really struck my mind like a bolt of lightning and made me to reflect and think deep – Is it that this first step parental training that has led or is leading to many elders being deserted by their children..?
Reflecting over the past decade that I have been part of geriatric care, I recollected my experience with 42 elderly couples whom I was treating at a Geriatric Care Center. The elderly whom I was treating looked at me with absolute hate and despise. There was no politeness in the way they responded to me but were absolutely rude and with a vehemently vengeful attitude. They refused to even share their health issues making it difficult to treat them because I was not able to understand their psycho, physio & medical issues. In-fact they hardly communicated with each other too. I tried everything ways of getting closer to them by celebrating their birthdays, sponsored their daily needs, sometimes brought food from outside, volunteered to take them out etc etc yet their hateful treatment and resentment towards me remained unchanged. No matter what I tried it just failed to impress them.
One day emotionally low when I came home, my mother asked me what the problem was..? I told her what I was experiencing and that I had reached a dead end in trying to help the elderly at the geriatric care center. She wished to accompany me to the geriatric care center the following day. The next day at the Geriatric Care Center she asked me to stop my car at the gate and to return to my institution that I was working and to come back later in the evening to pick her up – she wanted to be with the elderly for the day. End of the day I again picked her up and headed home – I asked her “Any break through with the elderly..?”. She just said to give her a couple of days. The same routine repeated for over a week. On the 8th day at about 11 in the morning, I received a call from the geriatric care center that my mother had a fallen and she was hurt. I panicked grabbed some medications and with deep concern rushed to the geriatric care center only to see my mother sitting with the elderly and they were all laughing and in a cheerful mood. I rushed to my mother, uncared about other's presence, asked her where she was hurt and what had happened. Looking at my concerned face my mother just smiled and asked me to calm down and said it was just a prank – and that she wanted to know if I was really concerned about her. I just sat down for a while trying to contain my emotions with teary eyes I just stood holding her hand in mine against my forehead. When I was normal I looked at her and said jokingly “so the mother was happy playing the joke on her son.?” She said “NO!! I just wanted to show these elderly that if you invest in the right feelings with your children, the outcome will be a strong bond of togetherness, of concern, of love, of a deep sense of belonging & that I had done this over 40 decades with my son- & you passed the test Avin”. Her words shook the insides of the elderly who now with teary eyes approached me and said “truly whatever your mother said and shared about you, the work you do, the way you involve her in every aspect of your life & work, the way you keep her engaged through your work stories and achievements, nothing goes past her without her say or advise or guidance that you do or write or work. Truly we feel she is blessed”. I looked at my mother and could feel the pride and a sense of belief in her eyes towards me. I just held her by her shoulders and I said “I am the lucky one to have such a mother and thankful to god for this great opportunity to be her son”.
Well,
I learnt a lot that day – what I could not accomplish over the last one year,
how my mother befriended them in 7 days is still astounding for me. But the
following days I noticed a significant change in the behavior towards me and it
was as though we were an enlarged family now. Over the past few years I have realized
that:-
“People donate a variety of things to
a senior citizens home with a clear intention of firstly to avail TAX benefits and
secondly for personal satisfaction that they have helped someone as a social
cause. Yes! A bout of money, a few necessities, a quanta of groceries/
medicines, a quart of health drinks & tonics, a range of hosieries/
clothes/ warmers/ blankets etc etc – these certainly are essentials for the
Care Center to ease out on their costs of maintaining the elderly & these
are essential commodities. There are many who pour in materialistic support, these
donors however monetarily sound whether big or small or socially influential etc
etc don’t understand is – the elderly need a psychological satisfier too which
give them the warmth of “I Care… I’m there for you!!.” – this the elderly are
always bereft of.”
So
then what is the way forward…
Well one
way is – if your company or your self are wealthy enough and are looking for a
dual benefit as mentioned above then look at enjoying the 3rd
benefit too by creating a new beneficiary other than you or your company –
ADOPT A PARENT. Today in the world we are adopting animals, children etc then
why not those abandoned parents as part of your family..? We invest a lot of our
time & money in parties, inviting guests home, celebrating our anniversaries,
birthdays, festivals etc.. Can we not on weekends brink home our adopted
parents allow them to stay with our family for a couple of days a week; share
the eat-outs involve them in the parties/ functions/ festivals with them; be
with them talk to them engage them in everything that you do on those days.
This will psychologically erase their feeling of being deserted by their
children and relatives; it will also emotionally help in healing their
illnesses; it will to a large extent make them feel belonged and that they have
a new family that care for them and IS WITH THEM. This act will certainly bring
in a lot of blessings from them and this to me is a serious personal
responsibility an act far worthier than the Social Personal Responsibility or
Corporate Social Responsibility.
Another
way is – many a times in the corporate world experience is certainly
irreplaceable an experienced guidance can be highly beneficial to maneuver
through the thick times as well as through tough competitive situations. Many
of the seniors have a tremendous amount of corporate exposure and industrial
experience that can make them a very good guide or a coach to the company or to
us who are decision makers. Their hands on experience or knowledge of people/
practices/ situation & crisis management/ management of staff/ delegation
of work & responsibility etc etc can be utilized to help us take better
mature decisions and clear our pathway with preventive measures such that we
achieve steady growth and progress in our corporate world. In fact I have seen
many of my close friends to who have employed such deserted elderly as their
personal corporate advisors or company consultants. Such an act will erase the
minds of the feeling that they are no more useful to anybody or they are
unwanted people to the world & the corporate world. It will reinforce in
them that they still have the capabilities & competencies to be of use to
someone – be it a decision maker or the corporate.
We
need to overcome our mindset of looking through the coloured eye-piece of fulfilling
their materialistic need but wear the spectacles of humaneness to recognize
that the elderly truly are a spectacle
that can make our lives beautiful too. It is not how much we give or what we
give that matters but who they are for us and what value we have for them that
matters. A lesson I learnt that day from what my mother told me and the same that
I shared with the school students today with a hope that it will keep them &
their parents connected to each other with the binding formula “Till death we don’t
part” – So the coming week they begin afresh with a great bonding with their
parents & grandparents because the next weekend is 1st Oct the “International Day for the Elderly”.
No comments:
Post a Comment